There was a fish taco recipe planned for this very spot today, and unless at least 5 of you beg me to put it up, I’m going to scratch it all together. I was originally going to say that at least 15 of you needed to beg, but since I don’t think there will even be 5 beggars, that should suffice. Instead, I have a recipe that is SO MUCH better than any old stinky fish taco. A recipe for laughter. That may be corny and awfully cliche, but true!
OK, you know how I like to be helpful and share with you all the things I love. Well, today I am sharing with you something I more than love. It is something I completely adore. Reading the hysterical posts from this creative, (as you can see for yourself – from that awesome self-portrait above) bright, and “knee-slapping” funny woman, absolutely makes my day. I’ve shared a few of the posts via email with Marissa and with Peggy, and they both agree, Amazing!
I will warn you though, if you have delicate ears, don’t like the use of “bad-language” and excessive sarcasm – well, you may want to pass. Pass it on to a friend who does enjoy those things, that is. For instance, here is how she describes herself on her Twitter profile:
“Snarky liberal b!%$h and mom of 2 boys, one of whom has autism. Profane & often drunk. Excessively chatty, but it’s all just inane c%*p. Yeah, sorry about that.”
Yes, I have used the *&^% symbols in place of certain profanities for those of you who may be sensitive. Here are a couple little snippets taken directly from Jillsmo’s blog – “Yeah. Good Times.” (with permission) that had me running to the bathroom before I ….. well you get the idea.
As you will note, the Trader Joe’s reference had me hooked from the get-go! One more quick side-note, Jill does not refer to her two boys by their names, but instead by Child 1 (C1) and Child 2 (C2). By the way, if you do visit her blog, and I highly recommend that you do – the Tag named Child 2 has some of my favorite posts.
… So, I was in Trader Joe’s the other day (have I mentioned that I live 3 blocks from a Trader Joe’s? And that I love Trader Joe’s? And that I go there a lot?) and I spotted this rather innocent looking box of what appeared to be some benign version of pound cake.
So, I get the *&%$ home, and then I look at what the necessary other ingredients are to mix said Vanilla Cake & Baking Mix
The cake is baked and emerges from the oven.
It is very innocent looking, as you would expect. Just another pound-type cake, like any other pound-type cake one might find in their oven after having put it in their oven and baked it at 350 for 40-43 minutes. I let it cool, and then… I try some…..
Have you had to relieve yourself, as well? If not, please do so now, before you read the next excerpt. If you choose not to do so, Do Not say I didn’t warn you!
The day finally came, of course, when the flyer came home announcing Spring sign-ups. In this case it was handed to me by the mom of C2′s BFF, whose father would be the coach of the team. I didn’t even have to ask him, I knew he would want to do it.
So…. I signed him up. You do everything online (nice). $300 for the season, but I could get $100 back if I spend 8 hours volunteering. (Yes, that’s $12.50/hour. Yes, I would make way more than that if I spent those 8 hours working. No, I didn’t do any volunteer hours. No I didn’t get any money back).
The next step was to go to Sports Authority and purchase necessary soccer gear. I probably could have scoured garage sales or begged for hand-me-downs to save money, but I waited until the last minute and ultimately had no choice but to spend top dollar on soccer crap. I mean clothes. No, I had it right the first time.
Shorts (mandatory!), shin guards (mandatory!), cleats (mandatory!) and these crazy *&%$?! socks that are longer than my ?!@#$*^ arm that, to this day, I don’t understand, but, of course… mandatory. You don’t even want to know how much that cost; I don’t want to talk about it. Then I had to go to the league offices and purchase an official jersey (mand- yeah, you get the idea). I was instructed to “buy big” because that way he could wear it for a few years. Yeah.
Clothing purchased! Next up: practices! Schedule coordinating! Other child coordinating! Driving here and there with this kid and that kid (in the minivan, so it was kosher). And finally? GAMES! YAY!!!
The first thing I received at our first game were the “Rules for Sideline Behavior,” which I needed to acknowledge receipt of via my signature. (I guess that was for when I sued them later for calling the cops on me). Said rules included such gems as “Only registered team officials may talk to referees. Refrain from questioning their decisions or challenging their authority” and my personal favorite “Maintain control of your emotions and avoid actions, language, and/or gestures that may be interpreted as hostile or humiliating.” Whatever. I wasn’t going to let the man tell me how to behave….
And it goes on, as does the Trader Joe’s cake post. You have to start following this woman! Then leave me comments about how funny she is and how much you love me, for loving her, and for sharing her with you! Deal!?!